It was 7 pm, the evening had just begun, but i didn't feel like doing work, and I thought of my space i had long wanted to do a rearrangement, such as make a classification of blogs, change the background color and music, so I'm here. But it turned out the time for opening a link is so long, like ten mins, so i gave up again, after classifying a few recent blogs.

OK, from where shall i begin this blog? eh, I am watching "Hannah Montana" these days, everyday 6pm on ICS. I ran into this comedy last Friday, and found it tasted quite good to me, but I didn't know the name then, and I didn't pay too much attention, either. Luckily, this Tue. noon, I ran into this programme again, right from the beginning. It was a rebroadcasting of yesterday's. After watching it over exitedly without a min's absence, I decided to watch it everyday. And it really is good, which has become something I'm looking forward to everyday.

But this sitcom, produced by Disney, is not really meant for adults like me, it's for teenagers in high school, esp. junior high. Whatsoever, I love it, and I'm gonna watch it from the very beginning to the very end, like when I was a kid.

Of all the characters, I love Lily most, cast by Emily Esmont. She is cute, with a sweet voice and a sweet smile, and she is funny when she is talking or doing her funny look or movements. She often keep her head leaned, which is cute I think, and can do freaky still movements and also she is enthusiasitic while at the same time don't make u feel impatient or upset, so truly it is a treat to wathc her perform. Mile is a big star, and is also very funny, but I think she has a pronunciation problem, it's like she was chewing sth when she was arguing sometimes. The director for this sitcom,whose name is too hard for me to remember, is also the director for "Friends", which is also my farvorite. Anyway, I recommend this comedy to you if you're looking for something funny, and meanwhile want to get familiar with the mose recent American idioms and slangs.

Eh, the reason for me to start this blog, in fact, is not that I've found something terrific, it's cauze i feel a bit blue, but I'm no way near unhappy, just a little blue. I don't know for sure, maybe it's exactly sth unnecesary to care so much for one's feeling, given the tempo of this society now. You just need to move on, putting everything that matters little aside, cauze there're lots of things that would fled out of your hand if u don't be quick. That's sad for me, I always wanna be in a leisurable mood that i can do what i need do and wanna do while also can appreciate things that are taking place around me.

Oh, ohh, I remember something else. I got my iBT score, it's not good. R30 L29 S19 W22 T100. I knew my speaking is quite poor, but I did not expect my writing is also such a low score, I hoped it to be like 25-27. Of course, it's partly the reason that I did not prepare well for the test and there i discovered a real beaty in the break time, which proved to be a bit of distraction in later exam. But it's just an excuse. If your english is really good enough, you won't be affected that much. Anyway, it could also be construed as good news for me, since I get a clearer picture of my English ability. I need to practise more, both speaking and writing. The truth is, recent days, I develop into a habit of reading materials for about 30-40mins everyday, and if i don't, I feel uncomfortble. It's just like if you have a running habit, you leg would be uncomfortable, it's like your leg feels itchy if you don't run for two days or more consecutively. It's just the same, my throat feels itchy, too, if I don't do the reading practice.

I once laughed at the guys practising reading materials aloud near the Library with a strange accent, supposing I don't such a problem, that I can do far better if I need to. But in fact, it's not the case. I have a even severer problem, I can't put my thoughts into words, and even I have some words, or even I know the right expression, in fact, when sb said it, I can often can come up with a better and accurater expression, but when it comes to real communication, I find I can't organize sentences that make sense. The result is I take a lot of time to explain sth, still, nobody can get it. It's even worse than sb who can anyway put his ideas into meaningful sentences that he can communicate with others. Anyway, it's up to daily practice, and hope i can find the key.

uh. Back to the topic before. I see no future in front of me, it is not that I would end up nowhere in this world, as for that, I don't know why, but have such a blind confidence in myself that I believe that I am blessed, that I needn't worry about my input, someday u would get paid back, even not, it's no big deal, the point is to enjoy the life, which is not just the result of being something big, but means that every moment of it, everything u encounter in ur life is precious, the key is not to let it go in vain.

Still, I see no future in the very front of me, to be exact, what and where would i be in 9 months. My boss is a piece of shit, I've already given up any hope that I could get anything valuable out of present "research", I do regret a lot for not selecting a boss carefully. But I have no one to blame, It's a request a bit too hard for the 2006-me. I was still not over the bad days at that time.

Technically, it's not bad days, it's bay years. It's not that I have lots of bad luck that time, it's that I cannot cope with any little situations, any little incidents. I screwed up my college years, depressed, not knowing what to do, even I know, have not the capability of carrying it out. ok, that's enough for that. The seven years's suffering (which i add the three years in senior high) is over, gradually, I get a hold of myself, and now, I'm confident to deal with any adversity that i may get in, But still, I need to handle the awkward situation i'm facing right now.

Little hope for any paper, little help, in terms of both guidance and money, from my boss. But i've made up my mind to take it, the worst case is I did a rubbish dissertation paper as i did in college. Anyway, nobody cares really.

Why i don't have a girl, eh, good question, hard to answer. haha. Basically it's my problem, maybe my standards are too high, and also i am not initiative, and I freak out at the thought of commitment, I don't want to sustain a relationship just for being loyalful. I think too much.  Sometimes I wanna let the hormone be the boss of me, but later when it's over, I hardly can allow me fooling around with girls. And this kind of flirting really does not fit for me, I can get the same amount of suffering from it as the joyness it may bring me. And it also hurt for the other side. uh, so I am determined not to bother anyone who just may have a crush or whatsoever on me but i dont feel a thing. I'd rather be alone in that case. But for a girl that is precious to u, do take the chance, u don't experience youth twice, and it's no big deal if it ends up bad. At times like that, u just need say "Sorry, but it's not my intention to do any harm to u. So please forgive me." Maybe one thing crucial is that i don't have much experience, like the Chinese saying "Fake skill just saying it without practising." 

ok, sounds a bit confusing, that's it. best wishes for everyone.

2020-2200

revised on 0718